We’ve all been there. You know, sitting there on a date, waiting, hoping, looking forward to the kiss and then it comes – he leans in, your lips touch… and… you want to kill yourself. For some of of us, this is a more recent experience then for others. But the results are the same. You never forget the bad kissers of your life and their tales are often repeated over wine and dinner at girls night.
So here it is ladies in gents. The top 6 blogging (and of course kissing) mistakes made.
Mr. Too Much Tongue: You know the guy. The one who just keeps going in for the tongue, just jabbing and jabbing. No plan, no course of action, he just repeatedly sticks it in there, hoping it’s working. As you’re kissing him, you feel like you’re going to suffocate, or at the very least pass out from the lack of fresh oxygen.
A lot of blogs are like Mr. Too Much, they just keep shoving information out there, each time hoping it will get picked up. They have no plan of action, no game. They really have no idea what they are doing. Mr. Too Much is usually pretty inexperienced. He’s typically just entering the world of kissing. The best part of Mr. Too Much? He’ll learn. Soon he’ll develop his style, his game, his voice. There’s hope for Mr. Too Much.
Mr. Dry and Bland: Also known as Mr. Possum, Mr. Dry and Bland really just kind of sits there. He lets you do all the work. He really has nothing to offer and doesn’t really try to find out what you like or enjoy. He doesn’t learn from his past mistakes.
A lot more bloggers fall into Mr. Dry and Bland’s category. I like to think of them as the blogger who don’t track their blogs. They don’t install analytics, they don’t follow their retweets, they don’t push their blog posts out through any social media forums. Because they don’t ask for feedback they never change. They never grow as a blogger or as a kisser.
Mr. Over-Eager: Oh you know the boy, he’s a really excited Mr. Too Much. He’s so pumped and excited and eager and he’s all over the place, everywhere, not really sure what he’s doing. He’s at your forehead, on your chin, all over your lips. Like Mr. Too Much, Mr. Over-Eager has a shot. He’ll calm down and develop his style, hopefully before he gets burnt out.
I worry about Mr. Over-Eager. These are the bloggers that typically abandon their blogs. They go strong for 30, 60 or even 90 days, blogging religiously and then one day poof! They give up. Their blog is gone, nothing is being updated and they are lost. Mr. Over-Eager just needs a little base knowledge before he goes in. There’s nothing really wrong with his style, he just needs to make sure he can keep up with the momentum before he commits.
Mr. Bad Breath: Probably one of the worst. No explanation necessary.
The Mr. Bad’s of the world are the sensationalists. They choose controversial topics just to choose them. There’s no hidden meaning, no poignant observation, no interesting conclusion. They try to shock readers just to cause a scene and often write about unappealing topics.
Mr. Peck and Run: You know the guy, the one who goes in for the swift kiss. You’re often left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more.
Mr. Peck is the microblogger. His posts are interesting, he’s got potential, but he always leaves you wanting more. He could have probably tweeted his post, he might have been able to expound, but instead he chose to dine and dash. Mr. Peck just needs to take a moment, settle down and compose his thoughts. Expand on his ideas and feelings and really get it out there.
Mr. Marathon: The never ending kiss. Like Mr. Too Much, Mr. Marathon never knows when it’s time to back off. You find yourself wondering how long you can keep going before you pass out.
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting in front of the computer, coffee in one hand, mouse in the other. You scroll over to your favorite blog only to see a term paper staring at you from the screen. Unlike Mr. Peck, Mr. Marathon never has a problem with finding words, his problem comes from refining them.
And then there is Mr. Just Right. Mr. Just Right knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s sweet, gentle and at the end of the night, Mr. Just Right leaves you wanting more. Just like a good blog, Mr. Just Right’s kissing style will keep you coming back for more. While he might occasionally slip up and stumble into one of the six deadly sins – for the most part Mr. Just Right’s style is right on par. He knows who he is, what he does and how to do it. With Mr. Just Right you know you’re in for a good time.
I’d like to give a shout out to Miss Sarah Walraven, the Diet Coke Diva, for helping inspire some of the boys for this blog. And thanks to all the boys who just couldn’t get it right. Without you, this post would never exist!
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Oh Michelle, words cannot describe how awesome this post is.
That is all.